The 3-question Performance Review that stops blow-ups before they start.
"Months of unspoken dissatisfaction turn into grudges — then one small incident blows up. This is the pressure valve."
— The Trust Manpower ideology
Most employment breakdowns don't explode out of nowhere. They build up quietly. The employer doesn't mention the small things that annoy them. The helper has no idea she's getting on anyone's nerves — or that some things she does are genuinely appreciated.
Months of unspoken dissatisfaction turn into pent-up frustration and grudges. Then one small incident blows up very badly.
The performance review is the pressure valve. Done early and done regularly, it gives both sides a pit stop to sit down and have an open conversation — before anything has a chance to fester.
When to do it
Early and often beats formal and late. Three touchpoints in the first month set the tone that open conversation is normal in this home.
Day 3
First check-in. Small course-corrections while habits are still forming. Sets the tone that open conversation is normal here.
Week 2
Routines are settling. Reinforce what's working, adjust what isn't — while everything is still easy to change.
Month 1
The full conversation. By now real patterns have emerged. This is where expectations for the long run get aligned.
The only three questions you need
Ask them in this order. Start with the good — it makes the rest land as guidance, not attack.
"What are some things you have done very well, and I appreciate?"
Start here. Helpers rarely know which of their efforts are actually noticed.
"What are some things you're doing that I want you to stop completely?"
Direct, not harsh. Most helpers genuinely don't know what's getting on your nerves.
"What are some things you're doing that need improvement?"
Not wrong, just not there yet. This is where training and patience do their work.
The point isn't evaluation. It's that both parties walk out of the conversation knowing exactly where they stand — early in the employment, when everything is still fixable.
Feedback catches problems early. But feedback alone won't keep a good helper reaching higher — for that you need something pulling her forward. That's the second habit.
Naming what she's done well does two things at once. First, it locks the good habits in — a helper who hears "the way you handle the baby's nap routine is excellent" now knows that's worth protecting.
Second, it lowers the guard for everything that follows. A conversation that opens with appreciation feels like coaching, not a complaint. The same feedback lands completely differently after "here's what I value about you."
Question two
Why you say the "stop" things out loud
This is the one most employers avoid — and the avoidance is exactly what builds the grudge. Most helpers genuinely don't know what's getting on your nerves. The shoes left out, the phone at the wrong time, the way a task gets done.
Saying it directly, early, and calmly is far kinder than months of silent resentment that eventually erupts. Direct is not harsh. Silence is what's harsh.
Question three
Why "improve" is different from "stop"
"Stop" is for things you never want to see again. "Improve" is for things she's doing right — just not there yet. The cooking that's close but bland. The cleaning that misses a corner.
Separating the two matters. It tells her which behaviours to cut entirely and which to keep refining. This is where your training and patience do the real work — and where a helper becomes great instead of merely adequate.
Let's make your placement the one that lasts.
We walk through the performance review with every employer — together, at your pace.
